LOS ANGELES, CA – It what can only be described as “the moment he was waiting for”, Paul Condiff was diagnosed with skin cancer after years of thinking he had every disease known to man. “I’m just overwhelmed with emotions I feel like I’ve been building to this moment ever since I thought I had bird flu,” exclaimed Paul after signing up for his first batch of chemotherapy. A self diagnosed “WebMD Head”, Paul had been to his doctor thirtyseven times within the past two months, worried that he had everything from a gluten allergy to werewolf syndrome after watching a documentary about the famous dog brothers of Mexican circus fame.
“I was sure I had gone full werewolf; I mean my eyebrows were just getting a little too thick for comfort. Turns out I have the perfect mix of Hungarian and Armenian genes to justify these caterpillars I call eyebrows.”
Paul’s excitement didn’t’ last long, however. Moments after leaving the doctor’s office he noticed a man sneezing and was convinced he had whatever the hell that man had.
Post by Brandon Jerger
In Case You Missed It, satire.