Dating in Los Angeles is basically a game of Minesweeper on difficult. Every girl should be given a handbook when she’s 16 that teaches her the ins and outs of consorting with the opposite sex. Unfortunately, our government is dropping the ball on that one, so its up to us girls to inform each other on the dos and don’t. Here are just a few that I’ve picked up during my run. Continue reading
1. KNOW WHAT YOU’RE READY FOR
Sure, we’re woman. We all want one man who totally gets us, holds our hand when we’re sad, and surprises us with rose petals and a bubble bath. But then it was our mom who answers the door so they’re all ‘AHHH!’ and it’s like a cute rom-com moment! Levity aside, chances are that one day you will find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with but that doesn’t mean you should be waiting around for him with a bowl of ice cream like Bridget Jones. That’s tragic! Who says you’re ready to meet him anyway! Take an evaluation of your life today. Could you make room for such a commitment without other parts of your life suffering? Do you work? Have a second job? Climbing the corporate ladder? Have a dog? Have friends? Have barely enough time as it is? Then maybe you’re not quite ready to settle down. Know that and take it with you on every date. The more aware you are of it, the easier dating around will be, and the less you’ll feel like you’re cheating on someone you don’t even know yet.
2. KNOW WHAT’S UP
Let’s face it, even if you are ready for a relationship, most men aren’t. Men have figured a way out. If you want a serious relationship, you have to know that and be on guard for men who just aren’t ready for one. They will say things like “I don’t believe in labels” and probably have no real life plan thoughtout.
Fun story: One of these guys, when I asked him what his goals were in life, he said he planned to win the lottery. no joke. I’m all about having a sense of humor and flirting to deflect away from my real feelings, but if a guy can’t have a “serious” conversation for 5 minutes, he’s probably not “serious boyfriend potential.”
3. DATE DATE DATE
Once you know what you are willing to take on, meet people! At bars, at work, at acting class, at the supermarket, probably not in an alleyway, but that was the next thing I could think of. Church? Maybe? Just meet people, and look good when you do. (My mom always taught me to look my best because you never know when you’ll meet your soul mate)! You will get asked out and ogled, trust me. Act like a lady when you do, be flattered and polite, but don’t be all that impressed by it. It’s not really a talent ladies, they should be ogling you! If there is a mutual attraction (or you get a creep vibe and just want to end the exchange) numbers are given out. I’ll put a challenge out to you though: Don’t give out your number. Take theirs. Then you are in control. No waiting a week to hear from them, no games. You call when you are ready to call and show as much interest as you want to show. They will follow suit. And what’s more, they think it’s sexy that you took charge! So call, don’t text, and set up dates! AND GO ON THEM!
4. BE CASUAL
Out on the date, or even on the phone call, don’t put any unneeded pressure on the situation. Is this life or death? No. It’s dating. You might think you are avoiding getting hurt by asking the serious questions early on but you’re wrong! No one wants to feel like they are being “trapped” into making a decision. Give them room to breath. Besides, don’t you want to be with someone who wants to be with you without prompting? I personally don’t want to have to drag a guy through the mud by the hair just to get a lousy steak dinner out of him! There are way too many people out there to be spending that much energy with no return. It would be like hitting on a 20. You’ll bust every time. But before I make any more ridiculous and overdone analogies, I’ll move on to another point.
5. BE YOURSELF
You’ve heard it a thousand times from your mother, from your therapist, from your overwrought sister (who just got out of the psych ward but still somehow has more emotional stability than you)…”just be yourself.” Well, what the fuck does that mean? If you’re like me, and if you’re human (and I’m guessing you are), “yourself” is a very loose term that is ever evolving. Sure, we all have our basic character traits and there will always be a certain way that we react to things in our lives. But our emotional states are ever evolving, so being yourself can come with a lot of emotional baggage at times. This can be very scary and for some women there is an instinct to want to shelter the men in our lives from this emotional hardship. This instinct can be useful in situations where your cousin has just been convicted of third degree murder and you really want to call the guy that you only went on two tinder dates with. Yes, thank you instincts for not letting me do that. However, this instinct runs rampant when you start to censor every thought in your head. A guy tells an awful joke, please don’t be afraid to tell him. If he knows its awful, you look easy and fake by laughing. If he doesn’t know its awful, then walk out of that bar anyway. On the same token, if you catch a whiff of his cologne and its pleasing to your nostrils, don’t be afraid to say so. Guys like compliments if they’ve actually put in the work to deserve them. So basically, to me, “be yourself” means don’t analyze every word out of your mouth like it is going to effect the outcome of your life in a major way. Say what you want, when you want or you will live in a state of regret.
6. KNOW YOUR AGE GROUP
“Age is just a number”. True, it’s the number of years you’ve been on this earth. It’s the number of crazy Christmas parties you’ve been alive for. It’s the number (x12) of moon cycles you’ve lived through. As a rule, age breeds wisdom. I have been paying a lot more attention to the way men and women act in different age groups. I’ll focus on the men for now because let’s be honest, this article is for the ladies. Here’s my breakdown so far:
15-18: Men are going through that super cute high school faze where they are just starting to get used to talking to girls. Maybe they get their first girlfriend and date her for a few years before they get their heart broken because, let’s face it, teenage girls suck balls.
19-25: I call this age group the Heartbreakers. This is the age where men want to get as many sexual conquests under their belt as possible because lets face it, they won’t be single forever. unless they will be (see 45-55).
25-45: These are the years where men are really trying to establish their career and make something of themselves. In my opinion, these are the years where men are most open to settling down as well. I mean after 25 years of dealing with the opposite sex, eventually they forget about being with a different girl every night and start thinking about someone who will make them lunch and have a beer on Sunday even though she hates football.
45-55: If men are still single around this age, chances are they are unlikely to settle down because they have seen so many different types of women that they don’t want to settle. Good for them, but no ones perfect people, and the moment we trick ourselves into thinking someone will be, the moment we resign ourselves to loneliness.
55+: Sugar daddies.
Now men, hate me for putting you into these severely generalized categories if you want to but listen to the advice i give to the ladies next: THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS TO EVERY RULE. Which brings me to my next bullet point.
7. ADVICE ISN’T TRUTH
If anything in this column is true, it stands to reason that the opposite must also be true. I hope that the information in this article has opened your eyes or changed the way you will approach dating. But if you read this and think “Wait, Thats not right!” then I am equally as pleased because you have decided that it doesn’t work for you and that means you are even closer to something that does work. Just do me a favor and try to give love to everyone you meet.Post by Madylin Sweeten