So what if it’s four months past New Years Day. You decided (albeit late) to complete your new years resolution of joining a gym. Now that you are psyched up to begin your first day in fitness and health, you are ready to hear some common sense rules of wisdom for all new gym goers.
Rule #1 – Wardrobe
What you wear unconsciously dictates what kind of gym goer you become. Whether you are a man or a woman, spandex is indicative of the term “cardio queens”unless you have biceps the size of average people’s legs. Wife beaters that have been cut to show the entire chest and back indicate men who lift excessive weights and are therefore classified as “meatheads.”Women who wear tiny shorts and sports bras are found scattered around the gym ironically with men in close proximity. Men and women who wear sports attire are only here to cross-train for their respective sport and are probably over 6’5”and not to be bothered. Men and women who wear extra large headphones, ultra-colorful tops and shorts and matching shoes are those interesting folks who get noticed. If you want to blend in, do not wear these clothes. Baggy clothes indicate you are new to the gym and have not yet conformed to the Lululemon cult yet. Don’t worry, It’s only a matter of time.
Rule #2 – Cliques
Where you hang out in the gym showcases what kind of gym goer you become. The group fitness attendees, AKA groupies, are hyper-excited for their classes. Do not condescend their type of workouts or they will hurt you. Stacked side-to-side on the treadmills, ellipticals and stair-masters, you will find some well-rounded gym goers but also a group known as the “cardio bunnies.” They love cardio, hate resistance-training and refuse to believe that they will not get huge from lifting weights. Across the gym, the weight area is filled with some well-rounded individuals and others known as “meatheads.” These men love resistance training, hate cardio and refuse to believe they will not lose their muscle mass from performing cardio. The functional training group are those who utilize different types of equipment for full-body workouts whether it is a Bosu ball or a rope. Don’t be surprised if you find them hanging on some ceiling to prepare for a future rock-climbing expedition. Hanging out in the stretching area, jumping around and doing random push-ups indicates you are a newbie and have not yet learned a training regimen yet. Don’t worry, it’s only a matter of time.
Rule #3 – Language
Your gym lingo indicates how dedicated you are to your workouts. Cross-fitters sprinkled throughout the gym might say…
“For this WOD, it is an AMRAP workout.”
A meathead might say…
“Bro, I need to get swole today.”
A yogini might say…
“This practice is so eye-opening, it really makes me want to go Raw.”
A cardio bunny might say…
“This elliptical says I just burned 2000 calories, I think I just lost weight.”
You might say…
“I’m so pumped and ready to rock this.”
You are only saying this because you are a newbie and have not had an official workout yet which will partially destroy your soul. Don’t worry, it’s only a matter of time.
Rule #4 – Diet
What you eat dictates what kind of gym-goer you become. A raw vegan kale shake with hemp protein indicates you have just practiced yoga today and probably practice every day. A protein shake with the matching shaker bottle and a dash of glutamine, BCAA’s and other sorts of pills indicates you probably have major muscle growth and possibly want more. A salad with no protein indicates you are anti-muscle, want to only lose weight and definitely do not want “to bulk.”A burger with fries indicates you are a newbie and have not yet conformed to the healthy eating post-workout regimen. Don’t worry, it’s only a matter of time.
Now that you know the rules, it’s time to be the best newbie you can be. See you at the gym!
Post by Christy Siebert – firstname.lastname@example.org
Christy Siebert is originally a mid-west girl from Cleveland, Ohio and is now based in sunny Los Angeles, CA. She graduated with honors from the Scripps School of Journalism at Ohio University. Christy is also an ACE- and NASM-certified personal trainer and group fitness instructor, a 200-hour Registered Yoga Teacher and a STOTT Pilates-certified instructor. She is an actor and model on numerous commercial, TV, film and theatre productions. In addition, Christy is currently co-producing, co-writing and starring in a brand new web series “How To Be Excellent” at www.howtobeexcellent.com. In addition to “Stop and Smell the Grindstone,” Christy writes for her own health and fitness blog “ChristyFit”at www.christyfit.com.