PHOENIX, AZ — A group of elementary school children went through the motions at recess on Monday concerned that their teacher, Ms. O’Hannigan, is too old to start a family of her own.
“We’re worried that time is just passing her by”
…said third grader Johnny Guzzardo. “I’m not sure how dating works, or even how babies are made, but Ms. O’Hannigan needs to start getting herself out there this much I know.” In her eleventh year teaching the third grade, Stacey O’Hannigan has remained single, residing in a townhouse a few miles from the school building. Hall monitor and class treasurer Paul Russo added this dagger:
“After my mom passed away I thought it was a no brainer for my Dad to make Ms.O’Hannigan our new mom, but I’d be lying if I said her outfits did anything to spice up the parent-teacher conference.”
There was renewed hope shortly after lunch when a new computer was installed in a classroom. Paul continued, “Fingers crossed that she stays late tonight and creates an online dating profile, but we’re not really holding our breath.”
Post by Brandon Jerger
In Case You Missed It, satire.